Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] What is your goal?
[00:00:02] I find myself saying that a lot to parents as they come and they ask questions about parenting. How do I. How do I handle this issue? Well, my kids got this going on. And how do you respond to this? What did y'all do when your kids were this age?
[00:00:21] And my response is always, well, what is your goal?
[00:00:26] What is your goal as a parent overall? What is your goal in that moment? Because that determines how you respond, that determines your decisions, that determines your priorities as a parent.
[00:00:43] And what I find out is most parents don't have a goal.
[00:00:50] They're just trying to survive. What's your goal? It's just to survive. Tell me how to survive. And they want to kind of appease the moment in the short term and just get by. Or you begin to dig a little further and you realize that most parents kind of naturally coast to just the expected goals of the culture, what the world would want for their kids. And they're not bad goals. You want your kids to be educated, happy, successful. You want all of those things for them. And as a parent, you're trying to raise them in a way where they can obtain those things.
[00:01:32] But the reality, your goal gives you the plan every day. What is my goal for my kids?
[00:01:42] That's where I develop a plan every day for my kids. And it determines your decisions about their future. What's my goal for my kids? Well, that determines where you are leading them in their future. What is the goal you want for them? And your goal determines your response in each and every moment, every day. And if you have no goal, you're going to be just trying to survive. You're going to be in panic mode. You're going to be confused. But if you can hang over the idea of parenting a goal that gives you perspective at all times. And we see in Proverbs 22, verse 6, the way is the goal. This is the goal of parenting, the biblical goal. Notice verse 6 of chapter 22 of Proverbs. Train up a child in the way he should go. Now, this word train actually means to dedicate. It means to commit. It means to consecrate. You are to literally set your kids apart to the Lord. They are to be consecrated in the way of the Lord.
[00:03:08] Notice as we've gone through Proverbs, this term, the way has come up quite often. We spent a lot of time in one of the sermons where we were talking about Jesus. Actually, he is the way. Jesus himself says, I am the way, the truth and the life. And so we see we are to Commit and consecrate our kids to the Lord. We are to commit, consecrate, dedicate them to, to Jesus. The way. Jesus is the goal for your kids. As you think about the direction and the decision and the path and the plan, what you want for your kids, ultimately it is Jesus. He is the anchor that governs every decision and every moment in your kid's life that they would walk in the path. That is Jesus. He is ultimate wisdom. We've talked about wisdom in Proverbs being the fear of the Lord. Jesus is the Lord. He is king. He is sovereign. And it is wise to live before him as king and ultimately to trust him in as Savior. And I know you go, we are at church. Christian parents. Isn't that just assumed? No, you. You have to remind yourself of that all the time. What is the goal in this conversation?
[00:04:33] What is the goal as I respond to this behavior? What is the goal as I make plans for our weekend? What are the goals and how do they fit into this one goal? That they would be in the way of Jesus on the way of Jesus. They don't want to be in his way. That would be bad on the way. Which is Jesus. Now, why is this so important?
[00:04:58] Well, first of all, your kids are sinners.
[00:05:02] They are precious, sweet, beautiful gifts from God that are dirty, rotten, stinking, wicked sinners. They have a wicked heart just like you do. The same sort of tendencies and feelings and emotions and thoughts that characterize your heart, characterizes their heart, who they are. And if you do not commit them to the way, they will be committed to their way. They will not be committed toward Jesus. We've read in Proverbs that there is a way that seems right to man. And where does it lead? Destruction. And if you leave them to themselves, they are going to be headed toward destruction. And we know this is fact. It is a fact that your child is a sinner. And you know this.
[00:05:57] You never sat your child down and said, now, today we're going to learn how to sin.
[00:06:03] I'm going to teach you how to sin.
[00:06:07] When I tell you to do something, I want you to practice this sin today. I want you to get in my face and yell, no. Back at me. Practice. Hey, clean up your room. No. There you go. You learned how to sin today.
[00:06:22] We don't do that. They naturally know how to sin. You don't have to teach them to say mine. You don't have to teach them how to lie when they've marked up their face with sharpie. Who did this? I Don't know.
[00:06:39] You don't have to teach them. They know that by nature because they are sinners. And this is important. It's an important point. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. There is none who is righteous. No, not one. Because this is where secular child psychology misses the way. And they have different goals for your kids.
[00:07:06] The goal of parenting by the experts is simply to manage redirect behavior. It's not repentance because they begin with a whole different premise. Your child is basically good and it's something you know is not true.
[00:07:26] And so they begin with a different goal. And the ultimate goal is not repentance. That is your goal as a Christian parent. That they would repent of their way and follow the way. Who is Jesus? And that involves repentance and that involves understanding what kind of heart they have. A desperately wicked heart.
[00:07:53] But notice the text continues.
[00:07:56] If you train up a child in the way, he should go the direction Proverbs has laid out for us, the path.
[00:08:05] Even when he is old, even when he is mature, he will not depart from it. Now that's confusing because we know parents who have done everything right, prayed for their kid, taught them the scriptures, and their child goes away from the way, doesn't believe in Jesus. But like every other promise in Proverbs, Proverbs is teaching us what normally happens when we execute wisdom. Just like wisdom normally leads to provision, wisdom normally leads to children who stay on the way. But notice the goal is long term parenting. Your goal is not just the moment when you parent your children. You should think about a 16 year old. What is this child going to do when he's 16?
[00:09:02] How do I get him on the way where he's doing the right thing when he's 16 and then 21 and then 35. You envision your children when they are old walking on the way. That is the goal and that determines how you respond in the moment. I want them to know Jesus. In this moment. I want to get them straight and narrow on the way of Jesus.
[00:09:31] It's the same sort of imagery here. We think of when we're teaching our children how to ride a bike.
[00:09:37] We want them to have balance, we have training wheels. And then the last moment when they've just about got it, you're walking beside them and they are pedaling, pedaling, pedaling, and you've got them going straight and then you just let go of them and they wiggle and they wobble and they zigzag and they almost fall over. And then they get it and they're pedaling straight and riding straight. It's the same thing you're doing as a parent. You're getting them on the Runway to go straight.
[00:10:08] God ultimately transforms hearts. Ultimately, God is the one who saves and empowers us to be on the way and live in the way. But our role as parents is to stand beside them and coach them and discipline them and get them as close to the center of the way so that they can experience God's grace within the parameters of the path and to let them go so that they would go straight. And there's a way to do this.
[00:10:40] But the first point I want to make is if our goal is the way, then discipleship is the plan.
[00:10:49] As you think about parenting, how often do you think about my plan as a parent is to disciple my kids? A lot of times we distinguish parenting and discipleship. But your goal ultimately as a parent is discipleship. If they are to follow Jesus, that's discipleship. And you are training them from the moment they are born to follow Jesus. It is discipleship that is the ultimate plan for parenting. If the goal is the way. And we know that takes work.
[00:11:24] And again, it is a lifelong process.
[00:11:29] And I know you guys aren't scared of work for your kids. You do a lot of work for your kids day in and day out. Some of you do too much of the work for your kids, and they need to do more of the work.
[00:11:42] But when in your family, some of you, when you say academics is the goal, you put a lot of time and energy into academics, right? You make sure they got their homework done. You make sure they're in the best classes. You make sure they're getting all the information down. You spend money on tutors and tuition. Because the goal is academics, right? Even athletics. I know some of us will spend, and I've done this myself, tons and tons and tons of money so our kids can play sports. Because that is the goal, athletics. And you'll travel all over the place for athletics. You'll. You'll pay hitting coaches, because you see, that is the goal. Athletics. You'll give tons of money over to the goal.
[00:12:36] And so imagine if you just said, okay, first and foremost, the goal is Jesus.
[00:12:44] What kind of work would you put in for discipling your kids to follow Jesus, if that is the ultimate goal and that is best for them, a mature follower of Jesus on the way, what would your schedule look like? What kind of work would you put in? How would your priorities change when you Think about their education.
[00:13:07] It's not detached from, from discipleship.
[00:13:12] No, their education is a tool to make them a better follower of Jesus. And that changes the way that you think about that. It changes the work you put in for this long time goal. And so specifically, if the goal is the way and the plan is discipleship, what does that look like in the home? And I'm just going to offer some principles to help us in our home. First of all, the principle, if discipleship's the plan, the goal is the way we as parents must establish authority in our homes. God ordains earthly authority as extensions of his authority.
[00:13:55] That is the way the world functions. Now, authority can be abused, it can be a bad thing. But ultimately authority is for our good. This is what Proverbs has been trying to teach us. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. What does that mean inherently?
[00:14:16] It means that I'm not God and I stand before someone else who is God. I don't call the shots. I'm not in charge. I don't make the decisions. Wisdom in Proverbs is to live before the Lord. In that way, I'm not the boss. And for kids in the home, the very first commandment that they are to obey for the sake of wisdom in light of fearing the Lord is to honor father and mother. This teaches them that they're not in control, that they're not God, and that's good for them. When you see a child and there is no authority in their life, you see a child that is a nervous wreck. Also, when you see a child where authority is abused, they are insecure and they are anxious. Now why is that?
[00:15:13] Because we all are insufficient fools.
[00:15:18] We're insufficient meaning I'm not smart enough to run my life. And so when I start trying to run my life myself, I mess up and I'm insecure because I don't know all things. I'm not smart enough to run my life and neither is your child. They're not smart enough to make all of the decisions for their good. They are an insufficient fool, just like you are. They're also weak and they can't fully and finally take care of themselves. Neither can you.
[00:15:50] That's where worry and anxiety comes from is when we're out on a limb and we're worried about what's going to happen next, what's going on there. I'm not God, I'm not in control.
[00:16:04] And parents are designed, the authority in the home is designed to give children that security. It is to save them from their insufficiency and foolishness.
[00:16:17] And here's an important point, parents. If your kids don't respect your authority, how in the world would you ever think they're going to respect God?
[00:16:29] If they are raised thinking they're in charge, they're the boss. And then all of a sudden one day you set them down and say, you're not really the boss, God is. That makes no sense to them. How will they respect any authority if you're not establishing authority in the home? And so what does that look like? Again, I'm going to say some of the most controversial things you've ever heard from this pulpit today. But what does it look like in the home? Here's some suggestions, parents. You make the plans, period.
[00:17:02] You make them in you, period.
[00:17:05] This is what we're going to do today. And this is what you're going to eat. I don't want that. Okay, you don't want to eat today.
[00:17:16] You are in charge. What are you doing? You're teaching them someone else knows better than they do. And when you give them choices, and that's good, as they get older, they need choices. They need to learn how to execute decision making. It still happens within your parameters.
[00:17:34] You can have Cocoa Puffs today or you can have Raisin Bran. There you go. What choice you going to pick there?
[00:17:41] But that's your decision. It's not their decision. Why? When they're making all the decisions, what goes on? They're anxious, they're insecure. You're doing that for their good. And you're not intimidated, you're not pushed around, you're not manipulated by their emotions and parents. You can't be ignored.
[00:18:02] You can't be ignored. You are the authority in their home. Some other suggestions is, I think this is going to be old school. You should teach your kids to say yes, sir and no, ma'am. Is that just cultural things from day gone, days gone by? No. You're establishing their place in the world.
[00:18:22] They're not in charge. There are adults in charge. They're teachers, they're coaches, the people at church. You should look them in the eye and you should say, yes. Yes, sir. No, ma'am. Why? Because you're not boss. You're not boss.
[00:18:39] And you should teach them these things because you are establishing authority in their life and you should practice them hearing and doing what you say. Hey, sit down. Hey, look. Look at me. Listen to me. Hey. Hey. I need your attention. Right here we go to church today. This is what you're going to do. And you practice those things. What does it look like to sit still in church? Well, okay, sit down on the couch and here's what we're going to do. And you're not going to move, you're not going to wiggle around, you're not going to hit your sister. What are you doing? You're establishing authority. And you begin to practice those things. And they understand that there is authority. Most kids want that.
[00:19:24] Most kids need that. They need to understand they're not boss. And so what do you do next? You teach what is right. Ephesians 6:1.
[00:19:36] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Notice this. Children are responsible to obey God by obeying mom and dad. When you don't make them obey you, you are teaching them to disobey God. They obey God by obeying you, you're actually teaching them to sin. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. You could say, this is wise, this is good, this is for your best interest.
[00:20:14] But if children are to obey parents in the Lord, then Mom and dad have a responsibility to instruct in the Lord. Parents, here's the deal. All of the boundaries in your house, all of the priorities, all of the preferences, all of the traditions, the culture must be shaped by the word of God. You begin there. We are a family that is dictated by the Scriptures.
[00:20:43] We're going to obey God, and so I'm going to instruct you how to obey God. And so we're going to be a family where the Scriptures are centerpiece. When you tell them to do something, by the way, it's okay for them to say why?
[00:20:59] And I've said it, and I know you've said it. Why do I need to do this? Because I said so. That's not a good answer. It's kind of a lazy answer.
[00:21:08] And I've said it. But in your mind, you need to think, why do they need to do this right now? It may be because they have to obey you, and that's obeying God. But you need to explain that to them. I don't just come up with things haphazardly around here. No, our family is latched to the Scriptures. And I'm instructing you what is right from the Scriptures. I'm teaching you how to obey right and wrong. You don't lie, you don't hit, you don't do. You don't talk disrespectfully. And here's chapter and verse why you shouldn't do that. You are instructing in the Lord and as your kids grow, you should teach them theology. You should teach them the story of the Bible. And what is right ultimately, if they are going to believe in Jesus, is that you would teach them the Gospel. I say this a lot, parents. When is the last time you sat your kids down and just shared your testimony with them?
[00:22:04] Do they know how you became a Christian? You're here today as a Christian at this church. Do your kids know the story that got you to today? Have you shared the gospel with them? You are teaching them what is right and teaching them the gospel. And now here we're going to have to hold on for just a few minutes because there are going to be a lot of different opinions about this next point.
[00:22:28] We correct what is wrong. We give consistent, clear consequences for sin and disobedience.
[00:22:38] You can't say this is right and this is good and then ignore when they choose what is wrong and bad.
[00:22:46] You can't do that. What are the consequences? Now I'm going to read what Proverbs says are the consequences. It's a rod of discipline. I need everybody to hold on here.
[00:22:59] Now, I'm going to try to explain it in the context of Proverbs, but there is a principle. If we go through these verses and you go, oh, I'm not buying all that. That sounds crazy. Where's the door? Just hold on, stay seated. Because there's a principle you cannot deny to all of these things. But Proverbs does refer to a rod of discipline as form of punishment for sin and disobedience. Proverbs 23, 13, 14. This is in the Bible, by the way. Okay, it's in the Bible.
[00:23:31] Everybody knows what's about to happen. We get a lot of uncomfortable. The children in here are really going to get really uncomfortable.
[00:23:40] Do not withhold discipline from your child. If you strike him with a rod, he will not die. He'll be okay. Do not try to beat him to death.
[00:23:50] You will save his soul from sheol, death or hell. The rod and reproof give wisdom. Proverbs 29:15, Proverbs 22:15. Folly is bound in the heart of the child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Now, a lot of people read this and they go, well, the rod is just a metaphor. It's a metaphor for our words and our discipline. Overall, I'm fine with that. But I do want to say this in context. Anytime the term rod and discipline go together, it's in the context of punishment for sin. Consequences, we might say, for sin some other People have said, well, this is the shepherd's rod and your rod and your staff, they comfort me. This doesn't sound very comforting here.
[00:24:46] And I'm okay with that if that's, if that's where you want to go with this. But I would say this. A shepherd's rod at times was used to prod the sheep. And if you've ever seen a shepherd's rod, there's a big hook on the end of it. And that hook was very uncomfortable because that hook went around the sheep's neck, around the sheep's leg, and yank them back on the path, they're going over the cliff, you get the rod and you pull them back. So it was still uncomfortable, but it was to keep them on the way.
[00:25:19] The best translation for all of this, whether we agree with it, execute it or not, is an instrument, not your hand, that was a stick that can even be translated for the instrument that was to work grain with, beat grain with. And so spanking seems to be an application to what's going on here. Although I hate the word spanking because it's not biblical. The Bible uses discipline, chastisement. Here an application is to implement that in control, never in anger. Some of you don't ever need to spank your kids because you have no self control.
[00:26:02] It's to be done in love and affection, never abuse or alienation. And you may want to study and figure out more about what you believe about that, and that's fine.
[00:26:14] But I do want to say this.
[00:26:17] You cannot deny that the Bible talks about consistent consequences for sin.
[00:26:27] And you may say, well, I'm just against that concept and that's fine. I can't get past it emotionally. I have a past and it's really hard for me to embrace those things. That's fine. But you are establishing authority in your home. You're teaching what is right.
[00:26:45] And when you are disobeyed and they are wrong, you have to figure out how you're going to correct it. You have to have consequences for disobedience in your home when they reject your authority. And I'm not talking about kids just being kids, immature. They knock the milk over on the table. They're just young, they're growing up. Maybe they're clumsy. I'm talking about you said to them, this is right and this is what you're going to do. And they say no, and, and they don't do it. There has to be consequences, and it has to be clear consequences and consistent consequences. Hebrews 12:11 says, for the Moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant.
[00:27:37] But later yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness. To those who have been trained by this is the ultimate goal is peace. But peace comes through unpleasant moments, unpleasant moments caused by our sin. My most uncomfortable, unpleasant, painful moments in my life I did to myself and God made sure I endured the consequences. And they were hard, and they were difficult. And you have to trust God in those moments and you have to learn from that. And, and the same thing is going on with discipline in the home. You are teaching them sin hurts.
[00:28:23] The consequences of sin are painful and uncomfortable. Whatever consequences you come up with, and it changes with age, whether it's physical activity.
[00:28:34] We talked a few weeks ago about the chair of control, maybe loss of privileges. And by the way, I don't count video games and stuff in loss of privileges because I don't think they should be playing video games so much that they go, wow, that's a loss of privilege language.
[00:28:49] But they don't get to do things they want to do.
[00:28:53] They have to sit still. Whatever consequences, you come up with them, and they have to be clear and consistent. None of this counting to three, no threats that you don't follow through with. And we've all done it. But what are we teaching them about justice?
[00:29:13] Well, sometimes you pay for your sin and sometimes mom and dad just don't feel like it. They just want you out of their hair. What are you teaching them about the holiness of God? God is holy, God is righteous, all sin must be punished. And then some days you're really committed to that, and then some days you're not. Do you understand the concept of justice and holiness? And by the way, grace has no context without consequences for sin. When you say, well, I'm just being gracious, how are you being gracious with them? They get away with everything. How are you being gracious with them if there are never any consequences? They don't understand grace. It's, oh, today I hit a nerve with them, oh, today I got lucky and didn't get punished. That's not how God does things.
[00:30:07] And ultimately the cross makes no sense. When you begin to set them down and you teach them, Jesus endured the consequences for your sin. What do they think? What, there's consequences for sin?
[00:30:20] So you're teaching consistent, clear consequences because ultimately you want them to understand the Gospel.
[00:30:28] And next, we practice what is good, we establish authority, we teach what is right, we correct what is wrong, and then we practice what is good. Notice Ephesians 6, 4. But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. That verse seems to be taken right out of Proverbs. Notice. Bring them up. This idea of training and raising in the discipline. A lot of translations translate this fear of the Lord, wisdom and admonishment, warning. This is practicing wisdom. You are practicing all of these things together. Come up with the. The idea of practicing walking, training, exercising. You. You are consistently doing with them, practicing with them what is good in the Lord. You're coaching them. In many ways, this involves just habits and rhythms of discipleship in your home. You want your kids, when they're old, to read the Bible and pray.
[00:31:37] Then you do that with them and you teach them how to do this. My wife's so much better at this than I am. And you're saying, oh, you're a pastor. You get paid to read the Bible and preach.
[00:31:48] Well, my wife has been a beautiful example of this for every one of our kids. She reads her Bible and prays in the same spot every single morning on our couch. And you know what our kids do now?
[00:32:04] You'll see Anna Elizabeth and you'll see Karas finding their own little spot on the couch, reading their Bible and praying. And the boys, they do it, but somewhere else. I don't know. Probably a little more savage than that.
[00:32:20] But she's taught them all how to read them very simply. This is what you do if you're a Christian. This is what you do before the Lord, before you begin your day again. You're getting them on the Runway. You're walking with. I'm going to show you how to do this. Pedal, pedal, pedal. Pray, read your Bible, go.
[00:32:37] That's what you're doing for them. There's habits and rhythms of what's good in your home. And as they get older, you move into this coaching role in their life. Proverbs is a father coaching his son in wisdom. Now, this isn't helicopter parenting where you're there to protect them. No. As they get older, you are a coach in wisdom. And don't be scared to do this. You have young adults, teenagers, in your home. They're still under your roof, and so they're under your authority. But the best approach to that is coaching them. You're coaching them with self control. You're coaching them how to use, as Proverbs has talked about, their speech. You're coaching them in what it means to work. You're coaching them in how to manage their finances. You're coaching them in purity. You're coaching, you're practicing what is good friendships. You're involved there's school. You're involved, their entertainment. You're involved. And you're there as a coach, coaching them to wisdom. And hopefully, you are pushing them down the Runway as straight as possible.
[00:33:51] Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not ready to let you go yet. You're still zigzagging a little bit. Let me coach you up just a little bit more. But you're practicing what is good, and you're making sure that they know how to do these things. This is why you should.
[00:34:05] You should have chores in your home.
[00:34:10] Hey, I need you to, you know, unload and load the dishwasher today. And you hear glass shattering all across the kitchen. Some of us want to step in and go, I'm no longer a coach. I'm doing this for you. No, no, no.
[00:34:25] The $25 you pay for that plate or whatever at Meijer is worth them learning the lesson. Hey, don't do it that way next time. And it's that way with so many things in life where you are there standing as a coach, letting them go, trying to see that they practice wisdom. And they may zig and zag, but you're still there to coach them. And then finally, love. Proverbs 3, 11, 12 says, My son, do not despise the Lord's wisdom or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves as a father, the son in whom he delights. Your children need it, however you execute these things. Authority, what is right, what is wrong, practicing what is good. However, you in your home, you come up with a plan. Today, you say, today, my goal is Jesus, and here's how we're going to do it in our home. And you write out a plan.
[00:35:25] You have to understand that through it all, your kids understand love.
[00:35:31] They understand you're doing all of this because you are good authority in their life and you love them.
[00:35:39] Your kids will not understand love outside of your discipline. Think about that. When they look back on their life and they think about mom and dad and all of the boundaries that they set and all of the things that they taught me and all of the consequences for my sin, they should never think they didn't love me. And I guarantee you, if you do that consistently, they're gonna look back and say, in the moment, that was horrible. But I know without a shadow of doubt, they cared enough to protect me from my sin.
[00:36:11] They cared enough later on in life when they're making the decision, do I depart or do I not? Do I stay on the way? No. My parents Love me enough to put me on this way.
[00:36:22] And then they will despise discipline outside the context of love. And by the way, when I say that, some of you are thinking harsh, mean, no, some of us don't show love in very passive ways.
[00:36:37] We shun our kids when they do wrong. We alienate from our kids when they do wrong. It's not just an aggressive lack of love. You can also just be passive. You can be pouty about their sin. That's a lack of love. You wake up and you say, oh, I can't believe you did this. You ruined my day. You're just pouty. And you give your kids the silent treatment.
[00:37:04] That's not love. You communicate. I'm here. I love you. I ain't going nowhere. I'm committed to your good.
[00:37:12] Whoever spares the rod hates his son. But whoever loves him is diligent to discipline him. You're doing all of this through discipline, and they should feel it.
[00:37:23] Once behavior is corrected and punished, you show reconciliation no matter what. You hug them, you kiss them. No matter the age, they've done something wrong, they made really bad decisions later on in life. You're still there. I love you no matter what.
[00:37:46] Hugs, kisses, no poutiness whatsoever. I am glad you are my son. I am delighted you are my daughter.
[00:37:57] You are always showing love no matter what. And why is this?
[00:38:02] As they fill your affection, despite their sin, they are seeing God's love in flesh and blood right before them. This is what it means that God loves me no matter what.
[00:38:19] He loves me enough to correct me and discipline me. And I have to have. There are consequences for my sin, but he hasn't given up on me. He's still here.
[00:38:29] Some of the best moments as a parent in my life have come in times of discipline. And now my kids are here, say, whoa. I never expected that.
[00:38:42] But where there was a sever in the relationship and frustration and then there's reconciliation and repentance.
[00:38:50] And it's like, oh, we just took another step forward in our relationship with you, and it's beautiful. But if you don't have that, they're not learning love. They're not learning the gospel, that this is what God is. And it's just sort of. It's about me. No, it's about me. And there's this fight between you. No, there's reconciliation. Even in the context of all of this. Now, I would say for all of us today, whatever your opinions are on what's been said, you can't forget the gospel. Proverbs 19:18 said, Discipline your son, for there is hope.
[00:39:29] Discipline your son, for there is hope. You know what hope is? A confident expectation. In God's promises, there's hope. This is why you do it. You want to put them on the path because you have hope for them, that they would believe in Jesus and follow Jesus and love Jesus. But notice the next part. Do not set your heart on putting him to death.
[00:39:54] So the lack of discipline is to not hope for your son, to not hope for your kids, to not hope for your daughter, to not hope for your children, but to put them on the path toward destruction.
[00:40:08] One of the most, I guess, confusing things in the culture in which we live when I think about parents, is we're at a point where we idolize the safety of our kids.
[00:40:20] We want our kids safe all the time.
[00:40:25] We don't want them to get hurt.
[00:40:27] We don't even want them mentally, emotionally, physically. We don't want them damaged in any way.
[00:40:35] And we treat them like porcelain little teapots. I don't want you to get hurt.
[00:40:42] But we idolize safety with the disregard for the danger of their sin.
[00:40:49] The most dangerous thing in your child's life is not them wrecking their bike or falling out of a tree or getting hit really hard with a baseball.
[00:41:01] It's not even some guy that they're deeply in love with breaking up with them.
[00:41:08] It's not them having to move and live away from you.
[00:41:12] That's not the most dangerous thing that could ever happen to your kids. The most dangerous thing that could ever happen to your kids is that they never believe in Jesus and go to hell.
[00:41:22] You believe that that should guide every moment and every decision of your life. With your kids, I want you to believe in Jesus. If you want them to be safe. Don't you want them to be safe eternally?
[00:41:39] Then you plead with them to believe in Jesus. However you work out anything else that's been said today, don't forget the gospel. The only hope for your kids for now and for eternity is Jesus.
[00:41:54] Stop believing what the world around you is telling you. All the priorities that they're giving you for your kids right now, all the advice, if it's without Jesus, it is in vain.
[00:42:08] Your kids, Jesus said this to you, could gain the whole world and lose their soul. They could have a great job, they could have great grades, they could have great manners, and they could go to hell.
[00:42:24] So whatever you do, you got to teach them about Jesus. And that changes your weeks, that changes your days, that changes the moment. You're on a mission field and there are moments where missionaries, their life is at stake. And you feel like that some days with your kids may not make it out alive today, but they're willing to suffer because they're in places where people have never believed the Gospel.
[00:42:52] You should be willing to work and sacrifice your emotions, your feelings, being tired and scared so that your kids might know and believe in Jesus. Mom and dad, maybe you don't execute any of this the right way. That's okay. Is at the end of the day, you look them in the eye and you say, I love you and I love you so much, I want to tell you you're a sinner and you need Jesus and you plead with them to believe in Jesus.
[00:43:22] And finally, the best parents don't forget the gospel, even for themselves. We know we're not the best parents. That's why we need God.
[00:43:32] You feel God's presence in the act of parenting. As you feel your weakness, as you feel your inability and frailness, you are to cling to the gospel. You know why.
[00:43:44] You know what God's doing. When you sit down with that disobedient child and you're frustrated, he's disciplining you.
[00:43:52] The Father is teaching you to be like Jesus and trust him in those moments and to know he has used his authority for your good. He sent his son to die for you, to endure the consequences for your sin. He has given you his spirit who is always present. Romans 5 said, the Spirit is pouring out the love and affection of God in our lives constantly. God is calling you in those moments of parenting to look to him and so ask, what is the goal?
[00:44:21] Well, your goal is first of all to look to the gospel and then teach your kids the gospel.
